Marriage: Facts and Rules

by John M. Duvall

The husband and wife relationship can be the source of great pleasure and delight here on this earth. On the other hand, it is also possible for the marriage relationship to become the greatest source of heartache and pain.

There are many threats facing the family. More often than not, the treats come from within the family. Many people enter into the bonds of marriage without fully understanding the facts and rules of the marital relationship. It is the purpose of this article to show the facts and rules of the marriage relationship as commanded by God. Please bear in mind that this is not an elbow article. This article is intended for personal application, not a reason to point your finger at your spouse. Examine your own self first, looking for ways to improve yourself and your relationship with your spouse.

God Ordained the Marriage Relationship.

In the beginning, on the sixth day, God created man and woman. Genesis 1:27 reads, "So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." (NKJV) God saw that the man and woman's relationship as husband and wife was good. (Cf. Gen. 1:31) God continued by ordaining that a man and a woman should live together as man and wife. (Gen. 2:22-25) (No where in the scriptures did God ordain a marriage relationship composed of man and man or woman and woman.)

According to Jesus, this marriage relationship is to continue until death. Jesus said, " . . . Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." (Matt. 19:6, NKJV) While this teaching may seem strange in such liberal times, it is a teaching that God demands we follow. God ordained that the relationship between man and woman be a lifetime commitment.

What Does the Marriage Relationship Provide?

The marriage relationship provides suitable companionship for a man and a woman. The scriptures teach that God made them "male and female." In his combination or coupling we see companionship.

The marriage relationship provides completeness for the man and the woman. Take notice that the woman was given to the man, not as a slave, but as a helper comparable or suitable. One man plus one woman equals completeness. God decided to make for man a "helper comparable" (NKJV), "help meet" (KJV), "helper suitable" (NASV), "suitable partner" (CEV), and a "companion who will help him" (NLT). The Bible never teaches that the woman is a slave to her husband. She is a helper. A helper is one who helps another accomplish a task. The husband's task is to provide for, take care of, instruct, and watch over his household. The wife is to be a suitable helper or partner to help him accomplish these God given responsibilities.

The marriage relationship provides an opportunity for true commitment. The man was told to leave and cleave. This shows commitment, not a since of roaming or wandering from woman to woman.

The marriage relationship provides a means of wholesome cooperation. The Lord said that the man and wife were one flesh or in unity. When two are in unity, they are in cooperation in an endeavor. In the case of a man and his wife, the unity or cooperation is in their raising of children, providing for the home, caring for the home, and walking hand in hand to the gates of Heaven.

Marriage offers moral protection for the man and the woman. The marital relationship provides a lawful outlet or means to fulfill the sexual desires that exist between men and women. Outside of the marriage relationship, sexual activities are wrong and are an abomination before the Lord. Within the marriage relationship, the bed (sexual relations) is undefiled. (Hebrews 13:4) Paul said that marriage is a lawful way to avoid fornication. Paul wrote, "Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband." (I Corinthians 7:2, NKJV)

Marriage is the only relationship through which God authorized procreation. God told the first husband and wife, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it . . ." (Genesis 1:28, NKJV; cf. Genesis 4:1) Parents who have children should view them as a heritage from the Lord. (Psalms 127:3) God intended for children to be born into stable and complete marriage relationships.

God's Rules for the Marriage Relationship.

The marriage relationship is a lifetime covenant and commitment between one man and one woman. Jesus taught that what God has joined together, let no man separate. (Matthew 19:3-6) The apostle Paul taught that marriage was for life. (Romans 7:2) "For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband." (Rom. 7:2, NKJV)

Within the marriage relationship, the spouses are to love each other and they are to show that love. Consider the following phrases from Ephesians 5:25-29.

"love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her" (vs 25)

"So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. (vs 28)

"but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church." (vs 29) The word nourishes is translated from the Greek word ektrepho {ek-tref'-o} which means 1) to nourish up to maturity, to nourish 2) to nurture, bring up (Enhanced Strong's Lexicon) The word cherishes is translated from the Greek word thalpo {thal'-po} which means 1) to warm, keep warm 2) to cherish with tender love, to foster with tender care (Ibid.)

A husband who takes to heart the command to nourish and cherish his wife will most certainly show his wife his love by putting her cares and wants before his own cares and wants.

Peter's statement in I Peter 3:7 shows how this love is shown and known. "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." (I Peter 3:7, NKJV) The Greek word understanding (knowledge) is translated from the Greek word gnosis {gno'-sis}which means "primarily "a seeking to know, an enquiry, investigation" (Vine's Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words) The word honor is translated from the Greek word time {tee-may'}which means 1) valuing by which the price is fixed 2) honour which belongs or is shown to one (Enhanced Strong Lexicon) A husband who loves his wife will seek to know and understand his wife, he will value her, giving her and showing her honor which belongs to her and will treat her as a valuable and fragile vessel. He will neither be physically abusive nor verbally abusive.

Paul writes the following to Titus: "that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children," (Titus 2:4, NKJV) The Greek word translated as love is philandros {fil'-an-dros} which means: (1) loving her husband (Enhanced Strong's Lexicon) (2) primarily, "loving man," signifies "loving a husband," Titus 2:4, in instruction to young wives to love their husbands, lit., "(to be) lovers of their husbands." (Vines Complete Expository of Old and New Testament Words) (3) fond of man, i.e. affectionate as a wife: love their husbands. (New Strong's Dictionary of Hebrew and Greek Words) The wife is commanded to love her husband. Based on the meaning of philandros, we see that this love is a shown love. The wife is to love and to show love towards her husband.

Each spouse is to provide for the needs of the other spouse. Husbands and wives should work to provide for the emotional needs of their spouse. For instance, a spouse should work to build up their spouse's self-worth. They should make their spouse feel appreciated. They should show their spouse compassion, sympathy, and kindness. The husband or wife should also work to build their spouse up, especially in areas pertaining to serving God.

Husbands and wives should also provide for the affectionate needs of their spouse. (I Peter 3:7; Ephesians 5:25-29; Titus 2:4) They should be willing to hug and kiss their spouse. Sometimes a gentle squeeze of the hand expresses an unspoken love. Spouses should also not be afraid to be affectionate while in the presence of their children.

Husband and wives also have intimate needs that must be met. (I Corinthians 7:3-5) Neither the husband nor the wife should be negligent in making love to their spouse. They should strive to meet the intimate needs of their spouse. Engaging in satisfying sexual relations with one's spouse requires that the husband and the wife set out to first please their spouse. If the husband sets out to please his spouse, then he will find that his own needs will generally be met with great satisfaction. The same principle applies to the wife.

Let us not forget about the providing for the physical needs of one's spouse. Each spouse should strive to do his or her part in providing for the physical needs of their spouse. Whether it be working at a job while not sacrificing the family, or washing the dishes and the clothes, each should be willing to do their part. It should also be remembered that there are times when the husband and the wife should help each other. Husbands, if your wife needs help with the dishes, then help her. By doing so, you will, in a small way, be providing for your spouse.

Spouses are to recognize and accept their God given role within the marital relationship. Let us keep this next section simple: Husbands are to be the head of the family. (Ephesians 5:25-33) Wives are to be in subjection to their husbands. (Ephesians 5:22-24, 33) Wives are to be keepers at home. They are to manage the home. (Titus 2:4) Husbands are to provide for the physical needs of their family. (I Timothy 5:8; II Thessalonians 3:10)

Do you understand God's facts and rules for the home? If not, then please take the time to study the Bible. Take the thoughts from this article and compare them to the teachings found in the Bible. If you find these words to be sound in the Lord, then use them as an aid to improve your marriage relationship. You can have a marriage relationship that has the Lord's approval and praise. All you have to do is to follow the Lord and His word and apply those words.